I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
