apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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