i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
