Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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