Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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