Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
