I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
