My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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