i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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