So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
