My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
