There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
