physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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