how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
