We just shotgunned beers for America
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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