Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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