i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize