Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
A+ Viking dick
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
