my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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