I'm sorry my penis didn't work
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
