she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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