You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
