I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
They took my balls.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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