My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
