he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
