And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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