Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
