i would punch a child for taco bell
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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