he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You can't just leave with hair like that
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
