he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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