Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
