Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
