So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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