Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
