i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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