i would punch a child for taco bell
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
