So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
