just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
