Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
