I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
