I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
