i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
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