11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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