thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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