Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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