this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
