You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she pinky promised me she was 18
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
