She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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