New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
