I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
