DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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