What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
