it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
