I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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