is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
