If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
