I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
