im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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