My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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