It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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