I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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