i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
