There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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