Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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