The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
