hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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