Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize