he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
