His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
