this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
