Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
