half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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