Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
